I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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