Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize