So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize