I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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