Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
