So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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