You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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