peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
