It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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