see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
