have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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