Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
