I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
