i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
