Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
