if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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