I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
love makes seman taste better
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
