Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
