If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am spending my child support on dildos
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
