I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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