She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
