Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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