we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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