What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
