We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
