please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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