i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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