I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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