Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
