Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
