She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
