I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
