The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
