I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
