I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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