cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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