i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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