Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i dont even know how to be here
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
