oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
