You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
