Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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