Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
