and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
