i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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