god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
