woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize