If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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