Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize