Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
