shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
