Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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