NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
