DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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