there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
