She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
