Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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