really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
