did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
