Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just found puke in my bra..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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