You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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