i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
