He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize