He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
