im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
