I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
